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NeFer by The Claustrum

The Calming Scent of Escaping the Shit Show Funny Coworker Candle

Regular price $16.00 USD
Regular price Sale price $16.00 USD
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Introducing the "The Calming Scent of Escaping the Shit Show" Candle—the ultimate desk accessory for the colleague who juggles deadlines like a circus performer and makes every coffee break feel like a vacation. With a scent that blends "Meeting Room Escape" and "Freshly Signed Contracts," this candle magically replaces office politics with an aura of "I’ve got this" confidence and "Yes, I read the email" clarity. Perfect for the coworker who brings donuts on Mondays, remembers everyone’s birthday, and always has a stapler when you need one. Burn time: long enough to outlast even the most tedious Zoom meetings.

Features 

  •  Available in two sizes:

  • Standard sized 9 oz jar (3 x 3.5 inches) with a burn time of approximately 50+ hours 

  • Small sized 4 oz jar (2 x 2.5 inches) with a burn time of approximately 20+ hours.

  • 100% Coconut Soy Wax 
  • 100% Cotton Wick 

  • White Wax-No Coloring

  • Phthalate and Toxin Free 

  • Vegan and Cruelty Free 

  • Hand-poured in Michigan 

  • Ships everywhere in the US via Priority Mail

  • Custom and wholesale options available 

  • Scent: we have a fragrance for everyone, choose from 40 plus different scents

Candle Care for Eternal Glow

  • Maintain a 1/4" wick length for optimal burning.

  • Encourage a full melt pool to reach the jar edges to prevent tunneling when initially lighting. 

  • Stay attentive and limit the burn time to 4 hours for the organic coconut soy wax. 

  • Avoid burning when wax reaches a low level of 1/4"-1/2" to prevent jar overheating towards the end.

Scents are:

  • Apple Maple Bourbon: The mouthwatering blend of apple, cinnamon, bourbon, and sweet vanilla in this irresistible baked apple dessert fragrance.
  • Black Cherry Merlot: The fragrance begins with lively hints of black currant and apple, enhancing the heart of red wine and black cherry.
  • Blackberry Sage: The sharp aroma of sage, rosemary, and mint intertwines with the lush sweetness of ripe blackberries.
  • Blueberry Cobbler: Buttery and sugary top notes lead to a luscious core of blueberry, anchored by a base of vanilla and graham cracker crust.
  • Champagne Toast: A rejuvenating fragrance that combines the bubbly essence of champagne with the sweet undertones of berries and the lively zest of tangerine, creating a scent that is both invigorating and elegant.
  • Cherry Blossom: Distant cherry blossoms mingle with magnolia and rose, complemented by delicate touches of cherry, tonka bean, and sandalwood, creating a fresh and airy fragrance with depth.
  • Cinnamon Candies: A year-round gourmand fragrance with the sweet warmth of cinnamon candies, infused with notes of clove leaf, cinnamon, gurjan balsam, eucalyptus, and pine.
  • Coconut Milk Lavender: An exquisite and distinct fusion of vibrant lavender, smooth coconut milk, sweet coconut shavings, and sugary vanilla.
  • Coffee: A spicy chocolate coffee blend featuring creamy maple butter, nutmeg, and fresh orange top notes, coconut and cocoa middle notes, and a sweet vanilla base.
  • Cotton Candy: A delightful mix of strawberries, raspberries, and subtle cantaloupe, wrapped in the sweetness of cotton candy.
  • Diet Coke: Experience the fragrance of effervescent Diet Coke! You can genuinely detect the carbonation in the scent.
  • Dr Pepper: A unique fusion of spicy orange and cherry, complemented by notes of toasted almond, clove, and cinnamon, resulting in a distinctive fragrance reminiscent of Dr. Pepper Soda.
  • Frankincense Myrrh: Bergamot, amber, myrrh, and frankincense combine with wood, incense, powder, and oud, heightened by essential oils for an earthy fragrance.
  • Fraser Fir: Experience the true essence of Fraser Fir with a blend of cypress, lemon peel, evergreen, cedar, fir, amber, and moss.
  • French Lilac: A floral fragrance with green leaves, lily of the valley, and honeysuckle, complemented by lilacs, clean powder, and woody Amyris for a soft, romantic touch.
  • Fruity Pebbles: Tart lemon and sweet orange blend with gentle lavender and hints of corn cereal.
  • Gummy Bears: Experience the joy of childhood with the fruity scent of Yummy Gummy, reminiscent of gummy bears.
  • Hot Buttered Popcorn: A rich, fragrant scent of a batch of hot buttered popcorn.
  • Lavender Driftwood: A unique twist on lavender, blending this classic floral with masculine notes of cypress, cedar, and amber.
  • Lemon Pound Cake: Lively lemon peel and juicy lemon provide a citrus kick to this bakery fragrance, with a finish of butter, sugar, and vanilla for a realistic gourmand cake scent.
  • Lemon Verbena: Elevated by citrus and sugar, this fragrance centers around lemon verbena and lemongrass with a light, sweet touch.
  • Mahogany Shea: Sweet almond top note blends into nutty shea and coconut, with natural woody tones of sandalwood and cedar, all resting on a base of light musk and tonka bean.
  • Mango and Gardenia: Balanced with coconut and peach top notes, this fruity floral fragrance is grounded by a base of light musk and tonka bean.
  • Nordic Night: Eucalyptus and lavender top notes lead to a pine-centered fragrance, resting on an herbal, woody base of rosemary, cedar, and oakmoss, ideal for candles and melts.
  • Ocean Breeze: Aquatic notes are enriched by airy ozone, while wood, violet, musk, and cotton blossom at the base provide depth, creating a uniquely extraordinary scent.
  • Orange and Patchouli: A sweet, juicy orange seamlessly melds with the unique, earthy undertones of patchouli.
  • Passionfruit Pineapple: Pineapple, peach, and tangy grapefruit mingle with tropical passionfruit, mango, and coconut, complemented by zesty lemongrass and musk for a well-rounded fruity fragrance.
  • Rosemary and  Sage: Refreshing eucalyptus and pine combine with green florals, rosemary, sage, and cedar.
  • Rustic Lodge: A warm and masculine blend of pine with smoky-sweet pipe, accented by hints of cedarwood and amber.
  • Sage and Lavender: Sage, rosemary, and chamomile enhance the earthy lavender, complemented by sandalwood and cedar in the base, with a boost from clove, lavender, and cedarwood.
  • White Tea and Ginger: A popular combination of white tea, lemon, yuzu, clean florals, and spicy ginger.
  • Sugared Chestnut: Sweet and cinnamon-infused top notes blend with chestnuts and warm amaretto, anchored by a base of caramelized sugar, butter, and tonka.
  • Teakwood Citrus: The exotic scent of Amazon teakwood blended with fresh, juicy citrus fruits.
  • Very Vanilla: Hints of vanilla bean, buttercream, and cake, with a subtle touch of bourbon.